Summer is a time of fruition, of beauty, of magic and promise. I love the longer nights, the pink sunsets, the sunflowers with their happy faces, the light of a firefly that makes my eyes crinkle with joy.
This summer though, I felt something different. All that magic and beauty and art outside my window I couldn't see. Between moving and having a very heavy work load, I felt drained. I felt like something was missing. At first I thought what was "missing" was fun. Maybe I just need a night with some drinks and live music, I thought to myself. That didn't work though. I tried to write and take pictures, but it left me feeling empty and frustrated. Writing took so much energy out of me, it just seemed more like a job than a creative outlet. What was happening?
I still don't quite know the reason for my summer blues but as I get older, I realize how important balance is. I need time to myself. Time to work out. Time to rest. It's okay if I don't write every day, but I want to stay inspired. I put a lot of pressure on myself. As my workload eased and Freddie and I settled in, I felt a sense of relief. I felt off balance, off key, off routine before. I realized then how important my routine was. I had to improvise some days but it made me realize, that routine keeps me balanced.
I need to let go of everything being an exact certain way and be open to change. I want an open heart and relaxed mind. Through this summer, I felt like having cidar ales was the perfect solution to a stressful week. Over time, though, I realized something I've always known.
Hi, I'm Courtney and I'm a binge drinker. I don't drink every day or even close to it but when I do drink, I don't want to stop. This was throwing me off the next day and only causing more depression and anxiety. I've been trying to get into shape, but I felt my body bloat and my skin look tired and lifeless the morning after drinking. So I cut it out. It won't be my routine because it simply didn't help.
Vitamins, working out, writing/blogging, decorating, spending time with my husband, our day excursions all are part of my routine that helps me. It helps me climb out of the black hole of depression and the static of anxiety. It helps soothe my racing head and heart. I feel inspired and motivated.
I don't have all the answers to fixing depression which is such a serious issue. I just know fine tuning things in my life was incredibly beneficial for me. The summer is not quite over yet and I'm hoping I get to enjoy it!